How I moved past my struggles to be who I really want to be

Jeanriëtte, 34 years

Growing up, was not easy, as I think all can say. I was bullied in, High School, because of my fair skin and suffering from, Anorexia Nervosa (called, Marilyn Manson/Casper) – I had insecurity issues with myself – being the youngest of three siblings (have two older sisters’) Always compared myself and my growth to them – felt like the, “runt” of the “litter”, so to speak.

I didn’t really have friends, from the age of, 16 – so I hated High School even though I did extremely well in most of my subjects – excelling!!!

If I look back on my life, I only feel that I am, “living” the life I need to live right now – finally at the age of, 34 – but I do understand that what I went through, made me the empath/humble person I am today – motivating and blessing lives wherever I find myself.

Due to my very conservative upbringing, my parents didn’t share much with us as kids, even though they tried to be wonderful parents (which they still are) We had to inform ourselves with the help/advice from more, “informed”/educated friends.

So being an extremely shy, Pisces/Introvert – I went through life being uncomfortable with/around people – which led to me, not dating any boys’ (my sweet sixteen, went pass without that special first kiss)

At the age of, 22 I felt unloved, couldn’t grasp why I had no interest from the opposite sex. I Managed a, Costume Shop – and fell head over heels in love with the, Owner’s Son.

To cut a long story short – I had the opportunity to go with him and his friends to a, resort (with the help from his cousin, he new about my crush). Upon arrival I was extremely self aware and nervous, not knowing how to behave around boys, which I believe resulted in being given, the “date rape drug”, – I woke up the following morning stark naked, with about six naked boys’ including myself in a dimly lit tent – I was so overwhelmed and in shock that I ran to the, “cousin” – he was furious with me firstly, (more disappointed) then I explained what happened – that I only had one shooter, thereafter not remembering anything that occurred.

He had a suspicion about the one friend, giving girls’, the, “date rape drug”. He suggested we rush to the nearest hospital to do, blood tests, but you see I felt so embarrassed/exposed and ashamed, that I refused to have any tests done, just wanting to take the, “morning after pill” – I imagined my parents being disappointed in their youngest daughter – how foolish I know – should’ve nailed their asses.

So I went through the rest of my twenties feeling unloved, with having, “crushes” and them not reciprocating that same love/adoration back, due to my low self-esteem and acceptance of myself (I HATED HUMANITY FOR SUFFERING FROM SO MUCH CRUELTY) – and still suffering from, Anorexia Nervosa/Bulimia, at the time as well. (struggled with this dreadful illness for almost 14 years)

Then I took up waitressing, and made friends with the, Owner, a lesbian. (pardon the frankness) We got extremely close (she was the first with whom I shared my, “story”, and she was a firm believer that I might be, homosexual, as I was extremely different, artistic – being called, “weird” by many, including my siblings.

I brushed it off, but she insisted that I was. ( as She explained, the reason/explanation for all my failed attempts to or with relationships with the, “other” sex/men)

She eventually declared that she had romantic feelings towards me, I decided to engage in a intimate relationship to see for myself, if that was the case, that I was indeed homosexual.

Told my family – which resulted in me not having any relationship with my parents – as my mother believed it was only a, phase that I was going through. – my two sisters’ accepted me, pretending to be, gay.

We were together for, seven years – then one day I just realized that I definitely was not, homosexual, that I didn’t hate or despised all men, and wanted to have kids and share a twin flame connection with a, man and not a woman – I felt like someone being, “born” again or woken up from a coma – her being a, Leo/Narcissist – suffering from her verbal abuse over the years – I reached I saturation point of not wanting any more bullshit – wanting to claim ownership of my own life.

I moved back, “home” for a month – mended my broken relationship with my folks – and them being so understanding and loving just said, we should forgive and forget – seeing it as part of my journey – especially my mother not really my father – he is a, Leo as well – and terrible at communicating – I never even told him I was involved with, her – but He knew/he had his suspicions.

So two and a half years’ being single to date, I feel so alive, have a appreciation for my beautiful body – got tattoos (proud owner of, 28 , and piercings) – could never express my creativity while dating, “her”, and I wanted to blend into society at the time, I always felt different growing up (with all my thoughts/ideas about the, Universe/Astrophysics, and Astrology) – now I know I am a, Indigo/Crystal Child – and I need to stand out to bring forth change, with this current, broken Society.

Luckily I have had sex, or made love with a beautiful man, making me feel safe and secure – we’ll see you never know, hopefully our paths will meet again. I am no longer afraid of men, and that they’ll abuse or hurt me, physically and emotionally.

Today I can honestly say, I am glad I went through all my struggles, – my level of Spirituality has reached so much depth – that I feel all the vibrations daily within my core – being grounded, centered and in touch with, Mother Earth – I have a passion and increased motivation to restore all the, broken-hearted individuals – I hold no hatred or regrets – I just have so much love to give, and I am passionate to bring out the best within all crossing my path.

I see myself as a, Motivational Speaker, or, should I say, “Dr.Phil”.

We have only a chosen few, wanting to see and bring forth change, I count myself as one of the, lucky ones.

I still have times, with the, Equinox, and full moon, especially, that bring the pain from the past back, recurring horrid dreams, of pain and sorrow – but then I shake them off – and tell myself that I have moved on – and I am better human being, because of it!!!

I hope with my story, I can inspire many – wanting people to transform and evolve, into the magnificent magical creatures we all are – shine your light folks, and never surrender to the, darkness!!!

Much love – Namasté

Jeanriëtte Pieters

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